HOW TO GIVE A CAT A PILL

Pick up cat and cradle in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. 

Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding the pill in your right hand.  As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.

Retrieve pill from the floor and cat from behind the sofa.  Repeat process.

Retrive cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

Take new pill from the foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws with left hand.  Force jaws open and push pill to back of the mouth with right forefinger.

Retrieve pill from the goldfish bowl and cat from the closet.  Call spouse from the garden.

Kneel on the floor with cat wedged between knees, hold front and rear paws.  Ignore low growls emitted by cat.  Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing pill into mouth and rubbing cat's throat vigorously.

Retrieve cat from top of curtains.  Get another pill from foil wrap.  Make note to buy new curtains and carefully sweep broken vase from hearth.

Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit.  Put pill into the end of a drinking straw, force mouth open and blow the pill down the straw.

Check label to be sure pill is not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away.  Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water.

Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.  Get another pill.  Open another beer.  Try again.

Fetch a bottle of scotch.  Pour shot, drink.  Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.  Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect.  Toss back another shot.

Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road.  Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid hitting cat.  Take last pill from foil wrap.

Using heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little %@)(!#^$#'s rear paws with garden twine.  Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak.  

Consume remainder of scotch.  Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.

Call SPCA to collect mutant cat.

 
Call pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

Wrap it in bacon and toss it into the air.   

Now you know.

Loves from the Queen   

Comments

[Mrs A.]

Oh Marcy,
I'm still laughing!!! Been there, have the scars on legs, arms to prove it. Fortunately the cat that I have to administer a daily pill to likes the taste and is quite happy to have crushed up and sprinkled on top of her breakfast otherwise I think I would be a nervous wreck.

[La]

This is the funniest thing I've read in a very long time. Thank you for the chuckle. Have a fun week! La

[Crafty Dawn]

I'm still chuckling lol thanx for that.

love Dawn xx

[Ann]

Arrived here on Mrs A's advice and I've got tears running down my cheeks! Been there, done that! Fab post Marcy - but I still don't know how to get that **** pill into the cat!